Tell her she can't have a vagina
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
