he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
two words...techno handjob
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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