Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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