it was like his penis was on wheels.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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