I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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