i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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