whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
