....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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