You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
