Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
