I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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