stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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