wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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