my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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