All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
