We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
