that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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