did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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