thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
