Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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