Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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