You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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