just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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