You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
