Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
