Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis