I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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