i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.