Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.