Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again