The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
