My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.