I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?