Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
