I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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