i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
