For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's blow job season.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
