Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
