Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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