why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
