i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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