Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
