It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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