So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
