Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we made out on top of his cat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
