Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
