So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I will be naked everywhere
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
