her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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