Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one acquire holy water?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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