Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
