"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
