He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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