Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
