Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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