I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
