the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
