Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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