I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
