craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
