When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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