Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
