phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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