You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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