Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
