I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
