Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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