My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
