Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
