I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
