remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
