Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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