i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
