So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
