I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
