there's paper in my vomit.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
