hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
