Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
