Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
