How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
