Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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