I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
